I have no caps lock, and I must scream. 03/4/2025

I believe screaming is good for you.  Go on, try it.  When you read the next dot, screaming as loud as you can,

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See? Didn't that feel good? Don't you feel just reset to your baseline? It shakes the heart in a way that should be mandated at schools, so that children learn the benefits for daily screaming.  For me it forces our emotions and feelings I didn't even know I had.  In the way sadness lumps in your throat when you talk about someone you didn't know you still missed.

I am missing a momentum. I have not gotten my movement to work.  What's more, the diagnosis I conduct to find the problem, only brings about more problems.  That alone is scream worthy, but what is a nice kicker, is that my impacted wisdom tooth has recently decided to erupt.  It's so tight, I love waking up with blood in my mouth and pain in my jaw.  The only thing I cherish more is talking with doctors and insurance companies, just to find out that I am a complete retard for even asking questions.I should have gotten this done years ago, and deserve the pain.  Fair enough, I can see their points. I've never been able to get ahead of the curve, and for that, I need to be punished, whether it is through a stalling of my personal progres, or classically punished via the cruelty of the human body having too many teeth.

It's not unlike this new (to me) phenomenon of version control for my game.This is basically just figuring out how to put out a stable build and save it, so that when you fuck up and break everything, you can go back to working point.  I wish I had done that more than I wish I removed this tooth when I was 18.  When I can't get further with coding, everything in my life becomes stuck.  Which flies in the face of the reason I started coding: to get unstuck. I need to hunker down and try to solve the problem.  I've already gone back a bit, and just recently found I'll need to go back even further.  It's demoralizing, and it makes the pressure on my overgrown gums expand to the rest of my jaw.  Bubbling up into my eyes and my brain. 

You can find some sympathy in that pain, people love to talk about what you should do. Or what you should have done a long time ago.  Just do not expect them to help you do it. 

So this week I must help myself.  I have no other choice, I must advance at any cost.  I got to do things I don't want to do.  I have to go back even further.  Wake up even earlier, swallow whatever pain may follow. So for the next 3 days I’m going to post on my channel at 5 when I wake up, to serve a covenant with you, reader and viewer.  A promise that I’m working my ass off to get this right.